The First Congregational Church of Darien

April 21st Newsletter

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A Message from Mrs. G.

I attended a Zoom workshop yesterday given for ministers in our area. The workshop focused on the grief that many people are currently experiencing during this time. Do you identify with any of these types of grief?

  1. Grief over a loss of a way of life
  2. Grief over loss of life itself or over illness
  3. Anticipatory grief regarding the future
  4. Grief over the many life-changes that have not yet become comfortable
  5. Grief for others who are hurting

As these layers pile on top of one another, it is imperative that we realize that our children are experiencing these feelings as well. If you are grieving, chances are your children are, too. Please see the ideas and articles below as you navigate these waters.

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For Your Children: Grief

The Four Stages of Grief in Children Include:

Shock and Numbness
Whether your child is coping with a loss due to death, or because you’ve just recently announced your impending divorce or separation, he or she is likely to be stunned at first. On the surface, it may appear that your child is functioning fairly well. However, beneath the surface, he or she is just beginning to cope with the loss. For this reason, your child’s ability to think clearly and concentrate may be impaired during this stage in the grieving process. You can help by:

      1. Being patient
      2. Listening
      3. Giving your child space to think through the loss
      4. Making yourself available when your child is ready to talk

Yearning and Searching
During this stage, your child may appear restless, angry, or bewildered; or express feelings of guilt over the loss. These intense and unresolved feelings may result in the child acting out toward others, or completely withdrawing from his or her social and family connections. You can help by:

        1. Allowing your child to express his or her feelings
        2. Realizing that your child’s feelings may change drastically from day to day
        3. Remaining calm

 

Disorientation and Disorganization
During this stage, your child may experience extreme sadness or depression over the loss. He or she may also continue to experience feelings of guilt or anger while the reality of loss continues to “sink in.” This may manifest itself in your child’s loss of appetite, sleeplessness, and lack of enthusiasm for things he/she used to enjoy. You can help by:

          1. Making sure your child gets adequate nutrition and rest
          2. Continuing to be available to your child
          3. Providing opportunities to spend time outside together

 

Reorganization and Resolution
During this stage, your child begins to accept the loss and assimilate it into his or her life. In addition to noticing that your child seems less sad, you may also notice that he or she has more energy and is able to think more clearly again. You can help by:

    1. Realizing that your child may fluctuate back into previously experienced stages of grief
    2. Remaining alert to any changes in your child’s behavior or mental state
    3. Encouraging your child to share his or her feelings as needed

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For You: Grief

We behave as though grief is something to get out of as soon as possible, an aberration that needs healing, rather than a natural response to loss — in short, we treat it as a problem. We need to stop thinking that grief is a problem to be solved.

 

Here’s what you should know:

• Grief isn’t something to be gotten rid of so that we can get back to life. It IS life.

• Grief is not a problem, it’s a reality: a natural experience of love and pain.

• Our friends, our families, our books, our cultural responses, are most useful, most loving and kind, when they help those in grief to carry their reality, and least helpful when they try to solve what can’t be fixed.

 

If you are feeling grief:

• It might help you to know that if something feels like a correction or solution rather than a support, it probably isn’t for you.

• You may find that you expect to feel corrected often, so it can feel hard to hear anything as supportive.

• The work here is to find — and receive — the things that help you live with your reality: softening into grief, finding your heart, offering yourself kindness.

• Understanding these things as supports rather than solutions is a subtle change, but an important one.

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PRAYERS

  • For the states that are opening
  • For the states that remain closed
  • For our government

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SCREEN-FREE FUN

  • Make a tiny boat using a leaf
  • Play a card game
  • Take a bubble bath!

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STUFF EVERY KID SHOULD KNOW!

  • Take out all of the art mediums you own (paint, watercolors, pencils, markers, pastels, etc). and learn how they mix and combine on paper.
  • How to set and accomplish a simple self-chosen goal
  • How to make a paper fortune teller

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FCC LINKS

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